• 11:57 argh, my whole body hurts. @mikhymonster: the Bad Romance video is pretty awesome. You should definitely try to see it! #
• 11:58 racebending.com. learn about the issues and how to fight racism in Hollywood. #
• 12:08 I need to clean some more. ): damnnnn ittttt #
• 16:12 I've got my twitter linked to my livejournal now! That's right, i have a lamejournal. :-P #
• 16:14 For Christmas, I want the Fame Monster, The Outlaw on dvd, Jennifer's Body movie+soundtrack... #
• 16:15 And Girls With Slingshots, volumes 1-4. Oh, and everything on my amazon wishlist of course. B-) #
• 16:23 She hadn't wanted anything like this. She'd been so naive. (I've got to work harder for NaNoWriMo, damn it!!) #
• 16:24 To everything I say, just reply with, "Write, bitch, write!" (NaNoWriMo '09) #

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• 22:05 He's really never coming back. It's not fair. I'm so dumb for getting so worked up about an animal, but i really loved him. #
• 18:09 Between dance and the navy, i'm going to be so busy! #
• 18:31 I'm going to get a new costume for fdf. The pink is too tight in the chest. :-( #
• 22:00 I love Jace Everett #
• 15:33 Damn. I keep accidentally hitting stuff with the car. #
• 14:58 Ah, i love Greek people. At dance practice right now, having fun. #
• 23:35 I hate you #
• 10:30 Ah! It's official, I leave February 3rd, 2010 (next year!) For basic training (boot camp). :-o #
• 08:46 Number of cute guys i've seen at MEPS so far: 5 #
• 22:43 Check out creepypasta.com!! Omg such scary stories. #
• 22:36 I would KILL for an eegee's roast beef grinder right about now. #
• 15:35 What do you like about dating? Waking up in strange places! #
• 12:40 Life is too short not to twitter. #
• 12:36 On my way to phoenix for the fifth time. I wish i had a top hat. #
• 21:41 damn it I need to lose weight. At least 10 pounds would be nice. Diet and more exercise here I come. #
• 13:51 Taylor swift or lady Gaga? #
• 13:09 I dislike Three 6 Mafia. #
• 12:14 Ah! Finally on my way back. At least i didn't have to stay til 4 like last time. #
• 10:32 The food at MEPS is really bad. So now i'm bored and hungry. #
• 21:04 Lol apparantly being Goth is an offense to God. capalert.com/capreports/johntuckermustdie.htm #

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 I've never been able to makes friends or connect with people easily. Even now, as I'm almost 20 years old, I still feel awkward and clumsy around people my age and high schoolers. It's pathetic.

After we moved here because of the fire, I lost not only all my belongings, but all my friends. Maybe I'd be different if we had stayed in New York. But anyway, I ended up in a private school for 1st through 3rd grade. It was a small, basically three classroom school, and 1st through 5th shared one big room. I was shy, but I tried to make friends. I ended up being coddled and babied by older students, and I didn't really make any 'real' friends. I still remember vividly my 3rd grade birthday party, and how no one came.

For the rest of my elementary years, I was moved to a large public elementary. That's where my problems began. I'm super shy, and used to being coddled by older kids. I didn't know how to talk to these other kids, and I came off as a either a snob or a loser, I don't know. I started being bullied, and I spent every recess alone. I remember being asked by another student why I sat by myself and read at recess. I didn't know what to say. At that point, I'd given up on following around my classmates and trying to be a part of their groups. I was not good at interacting, so I just gave up and retreated into what couldn't hurt me. I know that was dumb, but I was young.

For my fifth grade summer, I went to a summer camp. I managed to find make friends with a girl, who turned out she was only being my friend because she felt sorry for me. I thought that was better then nothing, but then her best friend came out of the hospital and started attending the camp, and they both started to ignore me. There was an end of year talent show, and I was supposed to be in a skit with some other girls. They were going to be the Spice Girls, and told me to be Baby Spice. I was actually thrilled to be included, but the next day they told me they wanted a friend of theirs instead, and sorry but I was out.

In middle school, I continued to be bullied. I was the 'book girl', though, and now I was partly useful for my knowledge. I was wanted in group work because I could give everybody the answers. I thought that would give me friends. But I still couldn't connect with people, or become a part of a group. I was still a loner outside of class, because people really didn't want to hang out with me. They'd basically ignore me or insult me if I tried. I was bullied more intensely.
If given group work to do, my group would ignore me and do it themselves. Another incident that stands ot is tripping just outside the school doors. on the last day before summer break. People who saw laughed and walked by. A few girls gave me sympathetic looks, one even helped me up.
But back in my class, I sat by myself. When we were given free time to have people sign our yearbooks, I stayed sitting. It sounds lame,  but it hurt. I didn't know what was wrong with me, how to fix what I was doing wrong. I just thought, 'I must be stupid, I must be ugly, I must be worthless because nobody wants to be around me.'

I dropped out my eighth grad year to be home schooled, and ended up at a charter for my high school years. Things got better, in a way. I was bullied for my freshman and sophomore years by a few certain girls, but other students were nice, if not overly friendly. I tried, but to be honest, I still just didn't know how to make friends. I read too many books, I dressed wrong, I was too ugly... there were many reasons I told myself I didn't have friends. I thought I didn't deserve friends. My junior year, though, I did manage to make friends, though they were not long lasting friendships. But they were good people, my friends, and I will keep trying to make friends, as sad as a goal that is.

God, this all sounds like pathetic whining. But there is a point to me telling this.

All my experience is why I feel the way I do about words like 'cunt' and the n word. Because I know they are hurtful words. I know words can hurt. I still have trouble with my self image, my self worth. I feel stupid, ugly, useless. I don't want words to have so much power over anybody. They don't deserve that power. I want somebody who is being discriminated against with words to be able to look at themselves, and know they are perfect the way they are, that they are better then those words being used against them.
Words can be worse then physical pain. They cut so deep. I know it's hard to overcome that pain. Which is why I don't want to give words that power in the first place. Let words like cunt remain words, and not weapons.
If that makes any sense. ):

Recent finds from various thrift stores in Tucson. Kinda image heavy.



( It was a good week for thrifting! )

I'd totally use my impending death as a way to get free stuff. :o Seriously, though, I'd quit my job, I'd spend as much time as possible with my family and friends, I'd try not to get all depressed over what can't be helped.

My fandoms + ships:

That 70's Show: Jackie/Hyde, Jackie/Eric. I have a strong dislike of Donna.
Avatar: The Last Airbender: Zutara, Taang, Sukka.
The X-Files: Scully/Mulder <3
Life With Derek: Dasey
Twilight: Jacob/Bella is the only pairing I care about, and the only reason I read fanfiction/watch the movies, basically.
Southern Vampire Mysteries (True Blood): Sookie/Eric!
Inuyasha: It's almost impossible to have set favorites for this series, because there are so many possibilities and alternate parings, and so much well-written fanfiction. But closet to my heart are Kagome/Sesshoumaru, KIkyou/Inuyasha, and Sango/Miroku. I like canon and fanon ships for IY, which is a rarity.

Dana Scully of the FBI, hands down. No female detective has ever been or will ever be as awesome as Scully.

Probably the time almost all the power on the southside went out. I was at the Laos center, and suddenly everything went dark, and so did the El Pueblo center. It was fun riding home and seeing all the darkened windows of homes and businesses, and then reading about it in the paper the next day.

I usually use MSN.com or other news websites, and occasionally, my local weekly (Tucson Weekly). I don't really care for unwieldy, big papers like the AZ Daily Star. I also don't like watching tv news, because I can't go at my own pace and skip the boring stuff. :p

The freedom and innocence.

Hmmm. One city - Tucson. One village - Pinebush, in New York state. A house in Pinebush, an rv for about two months as we moved across the country from NY to AZ, then another house. Parents split, so went back and fourth between a series of five apartments. Father bought a house, mother moved into yet another apartment.
Father remarried, so another house. More apartments from mom.
So two different states, four houses, at least ten different apartments, and an rv. :)

<lj user="amalius">

His name was Lee,
They called her Bee,
They made a good match,
but she was too fast to catch,
til he got down on bended knee.

I don't even remember! I think I was looking for icons, or something, and then I discovered the wonder of LJ. =3

customers_suck

I saw Mama Mia! The musical on Friday, and then the movie. Thanks to the Mama Mia! overload, I've had these two songs stuck in my head...

Honey Honey-




Lay All Your Love On Me-

Hmmmm.

Either Splendid Slippers: A Thousand Years of An Erotic Tradition, by Beverley Jackson...

It's an amazing read. It's very informative on the history of foot binding in China, and has lots of beautiful and sad pictures, of shoes and bound feet.


I'd also recommend Sirena by Donna Jo Napoli. It's such a beautiful read. It's the story of a siren, who falls in love with a sailor during the Trojan War. It made me cry, and laugh, and smile. It's a very sweet tale.

I know this is an old question, but I really wanted to answer it, since I'm craving a good sandwich right now.

French bread, very lightly toasted
roast beef
tomatos
peperchinis
Italian vinaigrette
french bread, again

Hmm, well most of the cool names seem to already be taken by other planets/moons, so I would probably name it Amalius. :3 That's just me being vain and wanting it named after me, though.

Oh geez. So I was at Ugly Crap, and I stumbled upon this post.
They were snarking this product:


And some users commented, 'DRRR DRRR DRRR'. Being the curious type, I looked this phrase up, and found this: The Enigma of Amigara Fault, by Junji Ito.

HOLY SHIT. It's so freaking creepy! O_O